Is It Really That Bad? A Tokio Hotel Oneshot
by themusiclife
Summary: "Is it really that bad?" Bill asked the boy sitting next to him, pouting his lips while he put down his fork. The other did not answer. But as his dark haired angel had pointed out - "Well, I guess it most likely is, unless you wish it not to be."


_**I decided I'd just give up this oneshot. I've been toying with the idea for some time now, and I finally polished up and re-wrote the draft that I had written down (:**_

_**Enjoy, and please do tell me what you think! xD**_

Bill sat in the very noisy VIP area. If it had been a few years ago, an afterparty, hanging out at a club – these things would've interested him. But they couldn't anymore. He sipped delicately on his drink, watching as his brother sat at the bar flirting with some blonde. He huffed, just another blonde. He really did wish Tom would find a better hobby, or rather that he could keep his nightly activities restricted to one woman, instead of some new stranger almost every night. He felt that after that Chantelle Paige Tom had gotten even worse with his ways. But then he sighed, knowing exactly why Tom had used that one; of course he would know…

He shook his head; that was his past now, he reminded himself. They both had gotten over those petty times, they had moved away from all that stupidity. He sighed, looking around now at the many people who were celebrating at the VMA 2015 afterparty, and right then and there he felt like he was only wasting his time. Sure, two new awards meant a lot to the band, but he'd rather be at the hotel, in his bed sleeping…

Shaking his head once again to prevent himself from giving in to temptation, he busied himself once more – looking for all the brunettes at the bar that could catch his eye. He didn't think he could look at anymore blondes or red heads after his brother's squandering.

A flash – a streak of caramel and cocoa; the raven head turned this way and that, looking for the source. When he finally caught sight of the beauty sitting not twenty feet away from him he thought he might break instantly.

Could it be - ?

No…

The girl looked up from where she had been gazing out towards the edge of the balcony, but she froze – as did he – when they caught each other's eye, and then looked away, too startled to produce any other reaction.

He remembered those big, beautiful brown eyes only too well…

"_Is it really that bad?" he asked the boy sitting next to him, pouting his lips while he put down his fork. The other did not answer. He just smiled as he continued to spear the mayonnaise coated lettuce, letting the creamy dressing explode in his mouth. _

"_Is it really that bad that I would prefer a girl over you?" he persisted, wanting an answer out of his brother_

"_Yes it is." The boy said, finally answering, but exasperated as he did so, "It is wrong – "_

"_It's not wrong – "_

"_It is wrong and bad that you'd prefer a girl over me!" the boy threw his fork back into his plate, but making sure not to make a sound, "It's bad that I've brought you all that way away from everyone – " he pointed to the excellent ambience of the luxurious hotel – "and that I can't have you. Why is that so hard to understand?" the boy gritted his teeth, a hard, blazing look appearing in his eyes, and Bill had to look away to avoid the desire and lust he saw there._

"_That was then, this is now; why is that so hard to understand?" he said quietly. _

_To anyone witnessing the scene, they would have just seemed like two brothers bickering away like any two brothers should._

_But they themselves knew better._

_The Maldives – the beach, the sand, the clear blue sea and sky – everything was perfect, how and what the famous Kaulitz twins had wished it to be._

_Except what Bill refused to give to Tom._

"_How could you…" Tom trailed off, trying to play the hurt – well, he wasn't a damsel – gentleman. _

"_We went through this, and through this. I'm straight, you're my soul mate, I like girls, and I'd like to keep all of that that way." His tone was firm, and Tom knew the discussion was over for tonight._

_Or at least the verbal one was._

_Late that night Tom stepped carefully into his brother's room, treading lightly over the wooden floor, over to where his brother lay curled on his side while the silken covers were strewn everywhere but over his beautiful, near flawless body. His face shone a pale, creamy white in the moonlit night, and Tom had to suppress a groan. It was only unfair that he couldn't have his twin all to himself… that he would have to share him with – or worse, give him up for – a girl._

"_Ngh." Bill grunted in his sleep, his eyelids fluttering, and Tom froze for a second, before making sure it was safe to move again. Sighing, he lay down next to his twin, and curled his arm around the sleeping boy's tender waist. He groaned internally as he welcomed the various horrifying thoughts of guilty pleasure that invaded his mind. If only Bill wasn't sleeping…_

_Halfway into the night, Bill startled awake, his eyes fluttering open and his first instincts were to groan, turn the other way, and flop onto his belly and fall asleep once more._

_But that was until he heard the snoring, and felt the hand curled around his waist._

_Barely managing to keep a straight face, since he felt rather hurt that his own soul mate could not respect his decision, he managed to pry away the arm that was draped over his body without gagging, and got up and left the room, from where he very spontaneously dropped off onto the couch. _

"_Hmph." His noise of disagreement to his brother's wishes was only welcomed by silence. True, he loved Tom, but both had mistaken the way they loved each other. A year of sexual relationships with his own blood and life, and Bill had understood what those weird notions had been everytime he chose to reveal himself. This was not what he wanted; this was not his place to be._

_But obviously, Tom thought different._

_Aggravated, Bill stepped out into the moonlight, climbing over the little vine covered wall with too much ease for one so thin. He walked along the beach, letting the grains of sand cut over the soft skin of his soles whenever it did. His eyes shut tight, and before he knew it he had bumped into something, or more likely – someone._

"_Sire you shouldn't be out here…" the girl said, "…or should you?" she asked cocking her head to the side. Annoyed further, Bill looked down upon the caramel coloured girl in disdain, stepped away from her and onto the side and continued walking, but that was before curiosity got the better of him._

"_Who are you anyway?" he asked, arrogant, clearly, but not arrogant enough to turn and glare at her._

"_I don't work here if that's what you're asking." She answered, looking up, and then back down at the little black book she seemed to be pouring her heart into._

"_Well then you shouldn't be here either." He said, smug that he seemed to have ended the conversation by getting back at this smart aleck._

"_I'm not a 6'3'' celeb looking for a vacation in the Maldives, and right now – looking pretty tired, stressed and aggravated. So, yeah, the paparazzi don't want a picture of me. But I'm just saying. You could do whatever you want. You're Bill Kaulitz after all." The boy froze, turning to look back at the girl; she was still looking down, peering at her work._

"_Well since you're very good at guess work, enlighten me on my own problem." He said sarcastically, moving away swiftly, hands folded across his chest._

"_You fought with your brother and he seems to persist on something. I'm not going to probe, but you asked for it." she continued in the same disinterested voice. It hurt Bill, the way she spoke; but then again he begun with the impolite behaviour in the first place._

"_Not your fault you couldn't care less about being appropriate society – wise right now. I was just providing you with a taste of your own medicine, not that I'm one to talk. So I guess I'll shut up, and you'll walk ahead now. Nice talking to you." She continued, still not looking up and into his face. He turned back around to stare at her. This woman – no longer seeming to be a girl – intrigued him. _

"_In case you're wondering, I'm not mentally retarded." She still spoke to him without looking up in that preoccupied, disinterested tone. But now she was noting down something from an identical black book lying next to her on the sand. How did she even know he continued to stand there?_

"_Because I can still see your feet, smartass." She sneered._

"_Are you psychic or something?" he asked her, truly curious now._

"_The opposite sex is just very easy to read." She continued, still peering down at her work._

_He sat cross legged in front of her now, feeling an absurd sense of vague familiarity, an affiliation with this woman, while wondering how someone could be easy to 'read' when you weren't even looking up and into their face._

"_What are you doing?" he asked, and he saw her smile slightly._

"_Correcting lines. This song is in a mess." Bill was startled_

"_You write?"_

"_That's what I do best… I think. Although mum would disagree." She continued, sounding a little more conversational. "Don't you want to be heading to wherever you were heading to?" _

"_No…um…I'd like to sit here...if you don't mind?" he said, hesitant. She looked up and smiled._

"_Yeah ok."_

_She turned back to her work, and he watched her for no more than two minutes before she looked up again, sighing in content. _

"_Done." She said happily._

"_Can – can I - ?" he asked, hesitant still, for what reason, he did not know._

"_Actually, no," she said sadly, "I have to work on the tune and things like that. I'm this close to getting a break." She said, holding her finger and index finger close to each other, but leaving the teensiest gap between the two. "Getting signed the day I get back actually." Bill didn't miss the rings and black bracelets adorning her hands, her big brown eyes – warm and deep as they bore into his own pools of dull gold. He felt compelled to confess to someone, to tell someone how crazy he felt, how unrealistic, how completely cliché everything seemed to him. _

"_I don't know what to do." He blurted out without thinking twice, and sighed as he felt the dam breaking in front of this pretty young stranger. Maybe it was worth it._

_She looked up at him, and as soon as she saw the look on his face, she dropped the pen into the book, shut it and put it onto the side, propping her elbow on her knee, and resting her chin in her palm. And right then and there, looking into those eyes, he confessed._

"_I can't – I can't do it anymore!" he threw his hands up into the air, and a whole lot of sand flew up with them as well. "I can't – I mean I love Tom but I can't! I – "_

"_Wait, sweetheart – what did you do in the first place to not want to do it?" she asked, and Bill noticed how she had that slight British tinge to her language and accent._

"_I – " he looked away, feeling ashamed of his deeds for the first time. But somewhere he knew he felt so only because 'society' would not accept them._

"_You what?" she asked, her voice soft, gentle._

"_I – I loved him." He said, trying to make it sound as acceptable as possible. But when he looked up into the face of this completely unknown yet utterly beautiful girl, he only saw confusion._

"_I loved him…?" he repeated, trailing off suggestively this time, and she finally understood._

"_Oh." Was all she said for a moment and his face fell, "Well, that's not anything to be stressed over." she said after, sounding like his problem should have been solved by now._

"_But – well – I don't want to love him any longer! I mean, it feels wrong deep in my soul, and he doesn't understand. After a year of being in that stage, now – a month ago – I got out of it, but he didn't! He still wants us to – to – UGH! I'm straight now and I'd like to keep it that way! I just don't see why he doesn't see that we made a mistake, and that it will always be the woman I love, even though he is my soul mate! He just doesn't see!" Bill said in a rush, everything dropping out of his mouth before his logical mind had time to catch it. _

_The girl reached out to touch his arm hesitantly, and he looked up at her once more. She smiled softly at him. _

"_Did you try telling him all of this?" she asked simply, and Bill started. Of course! How could he have not thought of it himself?_

"_I don't blame you, you must be severely stressed. Try talking to him tomorrow. He's your twin, your true other half; speak calmly, softly, and he'll understand." She said, smiling encouragingly now._

"_You understand…" Bill whispered, and the girl looked away and out to the ocean._

"_It is because I am an outsider. It's clearer to me than to you. That's how humans work, I guess." she said, still staring ahead. He looked to where she was looking, and then back at her, trying to catch her eye, but she did not meet it._

"_Who are you?" he asked softly._

"_Just someone." She replied with a shrug, and a little too quickly._

"_I better go now…" she begun once again into the silence, "I don't think my twin sister can hold up for me and keep me out of trouble for long now. It is quite late." She stood up in one swift, graceful motion, not even using her hands for support, only picking up her black books once she was upright. Her skirt fell down softly midway down her calf once more, and seemed to – somehow – emphasize her long legs. He looked up at her, wide – eyed as he took in her slender, long, graceful frame; she smiled weakly as she held out a sand glazed hand, noticed it was dirty, brushed it on her skirt, and held it out once again. Bill took the soft hand, with the long slender, bony but beautiful caramel fingers in his own pale white one, and stood up, dusting the sand off his tiny backside as she extracted her hand from his. With one quick glance at his face, and a nervous smile as she tucked a dark brown strand of hair behind her ears she begun to walk backwards._

"_Hope you felt better then." She said, still smiling with her books clutched to her chest. _

_And with that she twirled around and walked away into the distance._

He had never seen her since, for she had left to wherever her home was. He had searched, but in vain.

That night Bill Kaulitz had not only lost the opportunity to thank that beautiful stranger, but he had also lost his heart in the process.

"…_it wasn't right, the way you behaved! Y__ou shouldn't have – "_

"_Shouldn't have what? Helped a man who's waging a war with his brother, and loosing the fight with his own mind? I shouldn't have heard him out? Is that what you're saying? Well I say you sound ridiculous. I could never do that, even thoug__h he was a complete stranger." _

_There was a pause, which se__emed pregnant with scepticism. _

"_You listen to his songs day in day out, practically fall asleep with Geista__farher blaring in your ears – "_

"_That doesn't mean I know him! And they aren't his songs; those songs belong to the whole band. I was just a stranger sitting on the beach who just happened to cross him, I didn't go looking for him, if I was that desperate I would have had him sign some private part __of mine the day we checked in!"_

_Bill's breath caught as he heard the two sisters bicker. They were unawares to the fact that their voices were floating over from the other side of the shack – which was practically e__mpty, except for the bartender._

_As he watched, his beautiful stranger stood up, and walked over to the bar._

"_One Virgin Pinnah Colada please." She said through gritted teeth, and once the drink arrived she held it delicately in a hand, with her little finger holding the glass the other way, just how he would do it, and walked__ out, stopping by her sister – _

"_You're ridiculous."_

_He had been concentrating on the scene too hard to notice that his brother had plopped down next to him. He only snapped out of it as a hand flashed in front of his face._

"_What is up with you?" Tom asked him, and Bill only shook his head at his brother, as he sneaked a glance at the caramel coloured girl once more. He was ever so grateful to her; she had spoken, and he had acted, and it had worked. Tom was ready to compromise, ready to understand and accept. So now, when he found his younger brother staring after the tall, pretty girl in the sarong, he brushed away the urge to grab Bill from there, and only smirked knowingly as he asked._

"_Who's she?" he waggled his eyebrows, and Bill turned away and blushed, and Tom knew his brother wouldn't speak no longer, but he did not need to hear to know what his twin felt. "She won't know if you blush all day." Tom said, handing Bill a smoothie, which the boy sipped delicately, avoiding his brother's comment and his teasing gaze._

He sighed now, happy that no one had really brought his love life up in conversation or interviews after that little vacation, for then he would have had to lie, and he would hate to lie to his fans, to the world.

"Is it really that bad?" he whispered under his breath. He remembered those words so well –

"_Is it really that bad?" – the little note read – "Well, I guess it most likely is, unless you wish it not to be."_

He looked up at her shyly again now – everyday he felt a pang as he thought about how she had overheard them all along. She had heard, and yet played along – just for his sake.

He hadn't realized he was looking right into her eyes till he heard a soft murmur in his ear, "She won't know if you keep blushing all day."

Bill looked up, surprised, as his brother smiled softly.

"I think you deserve the satisfaction of knowing the girl's real answer."

He smiled back, nervous, and got up, walking over to where she stood, her back turned to him now.

"Is it really that bad?" he whispered softly in her ear, catching her hand lightly and squeezing it. She started, turning around to face him and smiled, her beautiful brown eyes greeting his dull golden ones with surprise. She looked around, searching for his brother, and when she found him he was smirking with satisfaction. "Is it really that bad? I guess," she started, biting her lower lip do that she wouldn't grin too broad, "this time that's your call."


End file.
